Delusional man: Wannabe Stalker

The number of people who walk around in a delusional state astounds me. I do not blame them. I have my own delusions, such as  I will find someone to love me some day, and people really care about my problems, and that any of it really matters. There is something about delusions that I dearly hold onto mine, while quickly spotting them in others, such as this man who thinks an online pen pal is a girlfriend.

So I'm in a long distance relationship and I have yet to meet my girlfriend in person. Her birthday is coming up soon and I would like to visit her. But I want it to be a surprise and she is super smart, so in no way do I want to ask her for her address. Is there someone out there that could help me find her address? I already tried a couple of sites and even paid $20 and searched and then it directed me to another page saying I needed to pay another $60. If you could help that would be awesome, thanks!

What is there to say? I start off by knocking him off his delusional roost. He needs to be very clear on that. Then I point out the real terms for what he is doing, and then go on to the practical advice for obtaining in real life what is currently a fantasy.

What you are in is not a relationship. It is a fantasy. Someone you have never met in person is not your girlfriend on this side of the pretend universe. What you are trying to do is called stalking. You say she is super smart. There is a reason she has not given you her address. Stalking her and showing up uninvited will not please her. Now I am going to help you. Save your $60 and get out to meet someone in your town. Go out to a movie, the races, a music event or something fun, get a bite to eat. If you enjoy each other, lather-rinse-repeat. Then you might have a girlfriend.

Mama's boy

It is wonderful for a boy to love and appreciate his mother. There are certain ways for him to express his affection that are wholesome and appropriate for his age. This lad has clearly wandered off that map. Unfortunately, the mom has lured some adult man into this triangle, likely to fulfill some needs that sonny is not taking care of, yet.

I've been in a long distance relationship with the mother of a 12 year old. I visit quite often. I find it odd that her son wants to cuddle & sleep in the bed with her early in the morning or late at night. Sometimes she allows it, sometimes she doesn't. Is this a red flag? I never thought of jumping in the bed with my mother at the tender age of 12. This doesn't sit well with me. I've discussed this with her but she gets very defensive. I'd appreciate some feedback. Thanks 

Eewww! Definitely not age appropriate. Map this situation on to a father and daughter and you will see it clearly. Fortunately our man sees that something is not quite right and asks about it being a red flag. It is. So I gave him the nudge he was looking for to leave.

One word. RUN! You will never be able to compete with the boy for her affection and attention. No girl he gets involved with, if he ever does, will be able to compete with mommy.

Anger of a single mom

It never fails. Someone makes a really bad parenting choice and the consequences linger on for decades. Come on people, making a baby with someone is not like deciding where to go out to dinner. You get a bad meal and maybe you are sick the next day or two. Breed with the wrong person and you have at least three messed up lives for a very long time. Here is the lament of one breeder who made a bad choice and was mired in the consequences.

ok so i normally dont do this but im pissed how is it so easy for a guy to just act like they dont have a kid i mean dont get me wrong my daughter is my life my everything but sometimes it would just be nice to have a little f-ing help i mean really i do everything i always have he hasnt even bought any diapers ever granted shes to old for them now he has only made the effort to see her 1 time july 3 2006 she was just under 3 months old and says oh your a whore she cant be mine i got a dna test done you stupid fuk yet he still says that shit went on myspace he says he has a daughter but he has moved on to bigger and better things like what the fuk really what an ignorant s.o.b. i want to beat the fuk out of him ugh im so fkin angry i cant even go to the bathroom alone but he goes out and partys and has a good time all the time i work 40 + hours a week i bought my own house i do it all with out him but i cant even have 20 min to myself cuz his stupid ass wont do shit to help me hes such a worthless no good piece of shit i hate him all i want is 20 min to sit out side alone or to go for a drive or anything but i cant he has no clue what i go threw he has not been there for all the times she was sick none of her surgerys not a single god damn thing doesnt even pay his court ordered child support ahhhhhhhhhhhhh 

First thing I wanted to get straight with her was that she was not a victim, that she had created her circumstances. After making that point, I made it clear that she was making everyone around her miserable and that we would prefer that she stop. Right away.

I want to get this straight. Of all the possible men in your environment, you passed up all of them except for this one. Then you had sex with him and allowed him to ejaculate his seed into you without protection so his spawn can grow inside of you. Next, you drive him away with your violent tendencies and anger issues. After all this, you come here to rant about your self inflicted messed up life for what? Sympathy? No, not possible. You just want us all to kill ourselves to get away from living on a planet where someone like you exists!

Until next time.....Ginny

Ersatz Relationship Blues

Funny thing how people think they are in a relationship, just because someone professes love to them. As in most endeavors, actions speak louder that words, and this man was being treated like a tool.

I am alot confused and was wonder what you all think.

A little back ground info: I was up to recently involved in a long distance relationship with a women that lives on the other coast. She is bright,beautiful, loving and caring or at least I thought so. She owns her own home and has two teenage boy's. We have been involved for 3+ years and I had planned to move to be with her to alleviate the stress of the two boy's switching schools and enviorment and she really likes it there and has some family she is close to. I was ready to sell my 3 bedroom home, walk away from a $65,000 a year job and move away from friends, family and loved ones not to mention the only place I have called home my whole life San Diego just to be with her.

Now I had put off the move several times, twice for work related issues. I have worked for the same company for over 20 years and the owner has always been really good to me so when they asked for me to stay a little longer I decided to try and do right by them seeing they had always done right by me. The last delay in moving was to help my 83 year old mother move from the house my father (who has passed away) accually built and into something a bit smaller and I was only asking for 1 or 2 months to make this happen. I do have a brother and sister who are local and can help but I felt the need to stay and help my mother through this time in her life since she has always been there for me.

Now when I aproached this women with my plan to stay and help my mother. Her response was either I was in the truck on the way to her or it was over. I decided to stay and help my mother and now the women won't speak to me and I guess our relationship is over but I really don't know because she won't talk to me. I guess what I am asking is did I really do something all that wrong or is she just being selfish. I have tried to call her, e-mail her and even sent a letter to her asking her to please explain why she chose to take such a harsh stance. I have not seen or heard any response from her and it is going on over a month. I really love this women and believed that we would have been happy together but now I am wondering if she wasn't playing some kind of game with me or if she really did love me as she professed.

Any input from you all would go a long way in helping me make sence of all this. I would appreciate you keep your coments clean and to the point, I don't need stupid response that make no sense as I am confused enough.

Thanks for you input

I pointed out the obvious to this poor sap.

The relationship is over, because you were not willing to put aside your needs or responsibilities to be at her beck and call. You do not have a "relationship" with someone as immature as she. What you have is a barrage of whining and demands that wear you down over the years to the status of a beaten dog. You are better off rid of that one, to make room for someone who respects you.

PSA I Got Herpes Ladies Beware

We have another case of some sad young thing with a tail of woe. Thinking with her coochie, she did the sheet dance with some guy and now is paying a heavy price.

There is a guy in El Cajon Spreading Herpes to women.I know this becouse he game it to me I more mad at my self becouse I chose to have sex with him without Protection.I realy feel bad for his wif and 5 kids I didn't know he had a wife and 5 kids.The more I found out more about him he gave a girl who goes to my school herpes too.I just think this is wrong i ask him if he had or ever had a STD he siad no.So if he is not going to be honest then I going to warn all the women out there so they don't end up like me.His name is Kyson tall lightskin black guy with blue eyes and for at Staxxs on Deck 535 El Cajon Bvld in El Cajon.So if you know him please warn your friends to stay away from this asshole.

There is a principle in investing of due diligence. What that means is you do your homework and cover your bases so you are not throwing investment money down a hole. Due diligence in this context is to size up a partner for who they are, and not just who they say they are. It also means you get those shields up, as in the latex kind.

Thanks for the warning. You are another casualty of the really crappy institutionalization that passes for an educational system in California. Aside from the fact that it left you sorely lacking in spelling and grammar skills, you also have very little grasp of critical thinking. Simple things like evaluation the truthfulness of a guy's story and using those protective techniques they taught you in sixth grade health class are way above your skill level. Too bad. I feel your pain.

Preferring Porn before Poon

This time out we have a woman who is newlywed and has found that getting hitched is not the way to live the dream as it is portrayed in Disney propaganda. So I stepped up and told it like it is.

My husband and I haven't even been married a year, and we barely have sex anymore.. not by my choice believe me. I wish we were having sex at least once a day, but I am lucky if I get it once a week. it seems like he would rather look at porn than have sex with me. But when I say anything about it and how it hurts me, he says that it makes him feel like crap and he doesn't want to have sex with me when I bring up the fact that we don't have as much sex as I would like. He looks at it any moment he gets it seems.. It is soo gross..and such a turn off for me. I asked him to stop because it makes me feel like I am unattractive to him... I get rejected when I try to start sex... I have tried a lot, but nothing seems to work. Now lately, I have noticed that when he looks at porn, he will come to me to "gett off real quick" which seems so selfish. He says if I want to get off that I better hurry... how romantic.

What do I do? If I confront him about it, he gets defensive.. He says that I have put on weight, and that is why he is not so attracted to me. Yet I gained weight from quitting smoking and eating more which he asked me to do! I was too skinny before and now I am too fat!?I am tired of his excuses, but I am not going to go to the "D" word. what do I do?!

The first year of marriage is usually the best one, when it comes to sex. After that, the novelty wears off and it can become routine, and even boring. Many women use sex as a sort of loss leader to snare a man, and once the deal is completed they cut it way back in an evil sort of bait and switch. Many men lose interest in sex if you put on weight or otherwise change your appearance so that you are a lot different that what he found attractive enough to marry. Whether you are too fat or too skinny, this guy likes to live the fantasy and does not want to interact with a real live woman. You have lost him and you will not get him back. If you do not want to do the "D" word, then dig in for a long life of celibacy or furtive sexual affairs. In my view, you should have kept up with the smoking to stay thin. It works for me, along with the diet pills and starving myself.

If you really want to get his interest, look at the women that gets him excited and he rubs them out for. Then get boobs like that, hair dye and whatever else it takes to put some lead in his pencil. Prepare to change your appearance from time to time as his interests change.

A sad sack loser whines his way out of love

This pathetic sad sack showed up on craigslist with his mournful wails about true love gone bad.

Yeah... You read right. The love of my life is gone... Wish i had better news for you. She was my everything. My world. My oasis in this world filled with uncertainty. And if there was one person i could count on, and be certain that i could depend on to be there for me, it was her. I'm so lost without her. I went from thinking i was just fine with out her, to not knowing how i ever did without. Its a shame why a perfect love goes wrong. I wish i knew why. Wish i had answers. But she didn't leave any answers. Just a mystery. As to why she left. A question that haunts me every day. All i really wanted was for her to be happy. Even if it wasn't with me. But she reassured me that she was happiest with me in her life. That she loved me for me, and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Promises so untrue. What am i to do? We had plans to be married, just waiting for the right circumstances. But shes gone now. Never said why. All i can do is guess. Well i guess i can say that i enjoyed the ride while it lasted, if only it never had to end. Guess its true what they say all good things come to an end. But why? Why? Oh why is this happening? Can somebody please tell me?

Can you shoot me now, please? I picture this guy as a large baby headed entity, suckling at the poor woman's tit. You see, as much as we women ditch you because we are opportunistic social climbers, there are also times you drive us away by being so damn pathetic. So I pulled the keyboard closer and gave him the news.

Sorry to see that you would consider someone like that to be the "love of your life". If that is your best, I dread to imagine that others, if any, did not measure up to her low standard. First thing, if she was your everything and your world, then you sound like a parasite. What was it that kept you from developing a life of your own? Why would you not man up even a little bit and develop your own friends, livelihood and activities so that she could be a part of it and not the totality? While the exact tipping point is something I can not know, I do know why it ended. She got tired of you feeding off of her. In the quiet of the night she would recoil in horror at the thought of committing to a life of you siphoning away her physical, emotional and psychic energy, and so she bolted when she had an opportunity to bust a move. It is a good thing too. I get weary just from reading your account of "love gone wrong". If she hadn't left, then she would have been in for a long haul in a codependent relationship. Who needs that? Yuck!