A back stabber indeed!

Dan writes in with some confusion about what a "friend" is. Especially when a man has a woman friend, he often does not know the true nature of what he has. Many men are blinded by the unlikely possibility that they will flip the friendship into having sex with the woman. That is delusional thinking. Let's see what Dan has to lament about.

 My longtime (I mean 10 years) friend Sophia broke up with her boyfriend 3years back. I'm Dan, and havehelped Sophia out finacially covering bills at times,- talking to her, giving her advice repeatingly. Sophia would get very sarcastic with me making fun of the way I talk (I do ahve a slight stutter) calling me a fuck-up in my field, being critical of everything I do, and saying "I'm calling you retard becasue you fuck everything up" I threatened to end the friendship, and she became SOMEWHAT normal again. (Sophia said my threat was mean because "Dan, you obvioulsy don't understand I am going thru a hard time. Once I get a new boyfriend, I'll be normal and nice, like before." Well, now Sophia steadily dates a guitar teacher and she is so nice to me- pretty much talks to me in a tone reserved for talking to kittens! praises what i do, my opinions, is really sweet. Should I say, "She went through a bad time give her slack." or take her nice behavior since she's found Mr. Right as an insult? Would like your opinion.

What kind of desperate lonely guy would put up with such abuse? It is pathetic, and pitiable to see Dan get to be Sophia's verbal punching bag, so I pulled a clue out of my toolbox and handed it to the poor guy.

Dan, I do not want to state the obvious, but Sophia is not your friend. She does not even like you. She tolerates you because you help her pay the bills, and you give her some much needed attention. She is pretty easy going when she is getting her sexual needs met, (aren't we all!) but when she is horny and frustrated she takes it out on you, and not in a good way since she does not consider you sexually attractive. Let me ask you, if one of your guy friends was not getting laid and treated you the way she does when she is not getting stuffed with pork, would you still consider yourself to be friends with him? Think about that. Then go meet yourself some real friends that treat you with respect.

Sexual Satisfaction Done Right

A man wonders:

Hypothetical question: If you are a heterosexual female with a long term male sexual partner and for some reason he was no longer able to ever get a sustainable erection capable of normal vaginal penetration would you be completely satisfied with him providing oral sex to climax to you anytime you wanted and stimulating your G-spot with his fingers or your choice of dildos? Do you need to feel an ejaculating penis inside you to be completely satisfied sexually?

This is very easy to answer.

An ejaculating penis inside me is nice, but not essential for my sexual satisfaction. I have toys for that. But you better have a wallet that ejaculates money or your ATM card!!

Players Getting Played Back

A clue is a valuable thing. Some people have them, and some don't. When you go to the club and you are not with someone you intend to go home with, you are playing. Your game might be teasing some poor schlubb and extracting all the drinks and attention his desperation can bear, or maybe you want to get laid. Whatever it is you want, you are in play. Everyone else there is in play too. You are deluding yourself to think you are going to meet the true love you have been looking for at the club. You will most likely meet other players, just like yourself.

So back on the friendly neighborhood craigslist, a clueless player laments.

This guy is a complete asshole. I met him a couple months ago at a club downtown. I don't even know why I was attracted to him, but somehow I ended up at his place getting fucked in the ass, and then the dickhead didn't even call me for two weeks! Then we started seeing each other a bit, I thought it was going great. Should have known better because I just found out he had a threesome with two of my friends! When I confronted him about it he wasn't even apologetic; he just laughed and said I could be in the next threesome. WTF!? 

His name is John, but everyone calls him Fox which only adds to his self-absorption. He thinks he has the right to be self-absorbed because he is a musician and runs his own company (which isn't even all that big), he doesn't care about anyone but himself, he lies and uses people, and somehow he's able to trick people into thinking he's cool, at least until they get to know him. I hate this guy SOO much for the way he played me, and I know he's done it to other girls too. These photos are him with some of the sluts he's hooked up with (or girls he's played, who knows which). I want to see him pay...His number is eight five eight seven o seven five four nine six, let's force him to change it, ladies! 

I did this tart a favor and advanced her a needed clue about the true nature of what she was doing.

Uhhhh....sweetheart! Yoo hoo, is anybody home there. You met him at a club and "somehow" ended up at his place "getting fucked in the ass". NEWS FLASH! You were playing too! Take it from a player who has been played back, we all play to some degree. It is when we get all delusional about what we are really doing that we get burned. Did you really think that some guy you just met and got to plow your back forty was the love of your life? Let me gift wrap you a clue here. He wasn't. You are just seething because he found several better playgrounds than the romper room you have to offer. Too bad. Get over yourself. 

Love, Ginny 

My BF is cheating

It seems every new generation has to learn the hard way what the previous generation learned. They do not listen to their elders and so they repeat the same mistakes, often to find they have made dreadful errors of judgement. This girl would have done well to ask her elders about the pitfalls of moving in with a boyfriend and working for his parents, especially when things go very wrong with the relationship. Here she laments:

So I found my boyfriends account for a hookup site loged in and a list of conversations about talking dirty with guys what hes into sexually what hes looking for. Really graphic I was surprised how he talked it hurt my eyes and my heart. I confronted him about it. He said he only logs on and does that when hes mad at me... So with further investigating I find out hes actually been there for years, first tells me only looked at photos then showed him his account with all the msg's and still says he only talks to them. What to do? Keep in mind I live in his place we and his parents employ me... Boy when I look at it in writing it sure looks like im about to have a fun ride. 

Advice please! 

I told her straight up what to do, though for her this is easy to say and very difficult to implement.

You really have got yourself into a pickle, girlie. Whatever you found is the tip of the iceberg. If he does his thing while being mad at you, you have to wonder what he considers being mad at you, like you left the soap dish in the wrong place so he has to engage in "only talking" with some online strange. Of course, you know you are not that gullible. You are merely one of his options, and that is all you are. This can not be fixed. 

Then there is the complication you created by living with him and earning your living from his folks. Very bad life plan there. There is a reason for the old saying about not fishing off the company pier. As much as there are some hotties in the work place, it is not worth the trouble you set yourself up for. The usual scene is that you get involved with someone and can not make a clean break as you work with them. You have the worst scene since your livelihood is at stake. Sorry about that, sis. Make your plans to get away from this mess, and don't delay. 

 

Long Lost Son is Gay

I never cease to be amazed at the predicaments that people get themselves into. That includes myself. The quest to get laid or high or the big score lead people into some monumental drama. This man finds his wick dipping venture comes back and bites him in the ass after 23 years.

23 years ago I had unprotected sex with a woman I knew. This was not unusual then, but is unheard of now. She got pregnant and refused to get an abortion, although she was single with another child, who I did not know about until later. So I tried to do the right thing and pay support, which I did for 9 months prior to the baby being born, and in the last 2 weeks of pregnancy she vanished. Up until that point we had nothing on paper or in court because everything was very civilized. She was a little off kilter from the time I first met her but we had fun. 

I tried to track her down and could not find her for a year. Then when I tried to have a paternity test taken she vanished again and her sister told me it was not my child, it was the child of her other son's father, who I found out about then. So I gave up the chase and didn't pursue it any further, altogether it cost about $80,000. She was very crafty and devious. 

Now 20 years later he shows up, says he is gay and wants me to walk him up the aisle in his wedding. This happened on wednesday and I'm still in shock. The woman died last year and told him I was his father in her dying confessional. He has been looking for me on and off since then, although I have not gone anywhere for the last 25 years. I guess the mother was holding back info from him. She was bipolar he said, had dementia and died of some early onslaught alzheimer's, so he has been through hell and high water in his life. 

So I guess I'm going to be in a wedding in a month.

What is to be done? The first thing is to separate reality from story telling. Then if he owns this situation, it is time to man up and make some beneficial moves. As I explained it to him:

Run, don't walk, to get your DNA test. You CAN NOT base your life on the mutterings of a psycho woman. Myself included. If he turns out to be your son, give him the talk about how he is still too young to be getting married, but that you would be glad to walk him down the aisle in about 4 years if he has his education and career goals in good order.

Then start getting some guidance from the lad about your grooming, wardrobe and decorating your living space. There should be something in this for you, after all!

Baited and Switched

Some poor sap had his source of nookie dry up. Usually this is not a problem, as it signals a person that it is time to move on. Unfortunately, and this is what makes the guy a sap, he was married to her. So he is stuck with the problem and can only use half baked measures to survive the ordeal. He laments:

Ok ladies help me understand.

My wife like to have sex about as often as I need to pay my taxes, ok its not that bad, its about 1x every six to eight weeks.

I love her but WTF, is this about! I blame my self it started realy good we were fucking every day constantly. But then she got a job with a lot of stress, as I did, but she responded to it with a celebate life and I with a hard on. I'm so fucken horny, I've cheated on her but its not that same I want her. I like eating her pussy, I like licking her ass ( although she does not like that freaks her out) I want her to suck my dick, I don't know what thats like anymore. We are in our fourties, and I chase her around the house, when she's in the shower I make sure to give her her towl so that I can look at her. She is better shape than she was when we met at USC.

We haven't had sex and I'm about to fuck someone else soon just to bust a nut, is that bad. Oh and I've told her I need to fuck all she says is I don't work like that. I know she is stressing, but at what point I'm I just being a shmuck.

Thank you.

Here we have another poor soul that fell for our bait and switch methods and got trapped like a fly stuck in flypaper. I jumped in and gave him the straight dope on his situation.

Too bad! You lost the hornyness lottery. One trick we women use is a bait and switch. We pretend to be horny and reel you in with it until you sign the papers to give us access to you bank account and other goodies. Then we are suddenly "too tired" or have a "headache" because quite honestly if we are not into sex then it is really a big chore to give you that kind of happiness. Love has nothing to do with it. So settle in for a lifetime of slapping your spew out or furtive dips into strange holes.

What's going on with my new girlfriend?

 "Vic" wanders on to craigslist, asking what is up with his new girlfriend:

My name's Vic, I started dating this girl, Shawna, she's in her mid thirties. She says she broke up with her boyfriend four years ago. However, she has this male best-friend, Glenn. They have travelled alot (to Europe, Florida) they go together to her parents in Nevada often, and he has bought many things for her- a massage chair, a computer, a monitor, etc. etc. He also helpd her considerablly with the rent. She sometimes stays the weekend at his house. She says they are just friends. Glenn is 50, overweight not her type, but what they have done togeher makes me feel different. What do you think?

I find that my reply is no place to tap dance around the truth:

Vic, "helping her considerably with the rent" is a euphemism. In plain English it means something like "banging her like a kettle drum". The computer alone cost about 3 or 4 rolls in the sack. Doesn't matter if Glen is overweight, it is his overweight bank account that gives him access to her nether regions. With a sugar daddy like that, you can be sure a boyfriend is an optional accessory for her. Vic is a good name for you, it is short for "victim", which you are apparently setting yourself up to be.

Run! Don't look back.

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